Wednesday, December 13, 2017

#bipolarhotmess

It has been awhile since I felt like I could sit down and blog. It has been even longer since I felt like I had something to share with the world.

I have always used this platform as a journal of sorts. Maybe one day future generations can look at it and learn a bit about me. They could also look at it and be like yep #bipolarhotmess. Either way its my story to share.

Some may ask what the heavens is #bipolarhotmess?

In a nutshell it's me.

Am I poking fun at those who are bipolar? Absolutely not. More poking fun at myself.

There is much more to the title of this blog than what it simply is. Run Mommy Run is so much more about me running.

I run. That is truth. For me it is a way to cope.  In 2009 I had my first panic attack. I was actually running in a half marathon. My heart rate was out of control. My sister was with me. It was alarming. I felt like I was coming out of my skin. It was more than just me pushing myself during a race. It was doing it while I was walking.  After the race I could not even drive home.


That was the beginning of the #bipolarhotmess express.

I have learned to get a handle on it. I won't bore you with details about what the doctors have said, my family history or any of that.

I will tell you that it is so important to take care of yourself. So my running is more than just a weight loss thing or anything like that. I run to clear my head. I run to cope. I run to express myself.

There have been many runs where I have cried the whole time. Not because of a crappy run but just because I have to get it out.  I love running alone to clear my head. I run races to run with people and interact.

I have heard that coffee and alcohol are not good for those with mental issues. They may be right. I don't know. I do know that coffee for me helps me get right with myself. I enjoy it. There are days I don't have it....race day usually. I also love a glass of wine on occasion. Not an everyday thing. Its usually red and I usually have a glass maybe 2. Again that is me and I do limit it.

I am careful with how I handle things. I try not to lash out and say hurtful things to make you feel little.  Do not confuse that and me telling you weather you are stupid or not. Trust me if you are being a dumbass I will tell you. I am blunt and have been since high school....ask my mother.

There are times when I feel on top of the world. That is usually when I have to take it down a notch so that I don't come crashing down.

I let my husband handle all financial things. In my family we tend to spend money when we are high. So that fact that I can recognize that and realize that my husband needs to help is huge.

I will tell anyone about mental illness. It is not something that anyone should be ashamed of. I strongly advise that you get professional help when dealing with it. See a specialist. Not your small town doctor. Have them help you manage your medication. Do not self medicate or self diagnose.  Do not take something just because so and so is. Everyone is different. Our bodies react different.

If you are depressed talk to someone. Don't be afraid. Speak up. Do it for yourself and those around you. Don't let it define you either. I am so much more than someone with a mental issue.
Have a support system. Rely on it. My husband doesn't understand it but he helps me cope with it. We have found what triggers me and how to deal with it.

Don't be afraid of it or think that it makes you weak. Admitting it and dealing with it makes you stronger than most.

I love that it is something that I get to share with my family....half kidding. I believe having a family with it makes us more knowledgable when someone is not coping well.

This is my crazy life in more ways than one. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Don't judge other based on their cover. Peel open the book and take a look inside. We are all an interesting read.
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